Benefits victim Rachida: “As a mother, I felt like I was constantly falling short”

Benefits victim Rachida: “As a mother, I felt like I was constantly falling short”

Anne Broekman

April 24, 2022 - 6:44 AM

Reading time: 6 minutes

Sixteen years ago, Rachida became a victim of the benefits affair. She was wrongly accused of fraud and had to refund 32,000 euros to the tax authorities.

Rachida (36), single, mother of Lina (17) and Sami (9):

“When I think back, I still feel the humiliation. I drove home with my then six-year-old daughter Lina in the back of the car, we had just done some shopping. During a routine check, I was taken off the road. The officers checked my license plate and my car was collected on the spot, due to an outstanding onus with the tax authorities. Walking, I had to continue our way home with Lina and all the bags of groceries. We were on the road for almost an hour, and I cried the whole time.

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Powerless

Sixteen years ago, the misery began. Lina was one year old at the time and went to daycare four days a week. I myself worked at a childcare center and trained as a pedagogical assistant. My daughter's father was out of the picture; he was never involved in her upbringing. One day, I received a letter from the tax authorities. It said that I had to pay back all the childcare allowance, plus a fine, because my daughter would allegedly not go to daycare. I objected to the objection and sent specifications that my child did indeed go to daycare. But any objection was dismissed, or I did not even receive a response. And how do you fight with the government? I was powerless.

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Deep in debt

From that moment on, I was deeply in debt. I had to pay back 32,000 euros, an amount I couldn't just cough up. I received injunctions and my salary was seized. Previously, money was not an issue for me. Not that I had it very broad, but I was able to do fun things. To the amusement park or zoo with Lina, having a nice meal or shopping with friends. I never worried if I had to pay in a store, but now I calculated down to the penny of what we had to spend. There was a payment arrangement. After paying the repayment and my housing costs, I had 120 euros a month left over to make ends meet. So that's where I had to go shopping and nappies of payment. Considerable cuts had to be made. I couldn't have a cup of coffee outside the door yet, and I also started avoiding parties because I couldn't give a gift. I also preferred not to receive people at home anymore. In Moroccan culture, it's important to be hospitable and guests expect a treat when they visit. I couldn't afford that.

“'The government doesn't make mistakes, 'I was told”

Plus, I found it difficult to be open about my debts, I was ashamed of it. Sometimes I talked about it, but then I noticed that people didn't understand me. They didn't believe that I really didn't commit fraud. “The government doesn't make mistakes,” I was told. I started keeping people at a distance and lost friends. The social isolation and all the stress made me depressed and the doctor prescribed me antidepressants.

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Five years later — I was still paying off my debts — I got a new friend. I was no longer able to pay for my rental house because the housing allowance had also been stopped — that happens if you are classed as a fraud. I had to leave my apartment and Lina and I moved in with my friend. Together, we had a son. But the bailiffs were still on the doorstep and my relationship did not withstand so much stress. My boyfriend and I separated and I moved in with my sister with the children until I was assigned a place to live three years ago.

Deficit

As a mother, I had the feeling that I was constantly falling short. Groceries were a major expense that I tried to cut back on. Vegetables and meat are expensive, so I often bought Turkish pizza for one and a half euro. Ridiculous, but unhealthy food is really cheaper. The children received overweight, and I also felt guilty about that.

“As a mother, I had the feeling that I was constantly failing”

Lina did not want to host her friends at home because she had a bare room with only a closet and a mattress on the floor. My children were never able to go to a party because there was no money for a gift. We did not celebrate Christmas and Sinterklaas. Their birthdays themselves were celebrated soberly. So no children's party, but my parents helped out by providing a cake and a small gift. Recently, I asked Sami if he would like to celebrate his birthday this year. “Why now, I've never had that anyway?” he said. That broke my heart. He has only one wish: such a play kitchenette with wooden appliances and fake food. He wanted that as a toddler, but there was no money for it. At nine years old, he's actually far too old for that, but maybe I should buy it for him anyway.

Allowance affair

Three years ago, the benefits affair came to light. I was very happy about that. See, I thought. I knew I hadn't cheated, and now I was finally believed. All this time, I thought I was the only one with this problem, but it was shocking how many peers I turned out to have.

“There was so much misery behind this money that I couldn't enjoy it at first”

In December 2020, I received 31,000 euros in compensation and my tax debt was canceled. I checked my account a thousand times to see if the amount was actually on it. But I didn't jump a hole in the air like I was the raffle had won. Normally you run straight to the city to buy nice things, but this was different. There was so much misery behind this money that I couldn't enjoy it at first.

Refurbish

I now have an amount of money left over that I might want to buy a car with. I had our house plastered and painted, and I also had the garden refurbished. My children got a laptop and their rooms were completely redecorated. I bought a PlayStation for Sami, Lina got a vacation to Dubai as a gift.

“Good years have been taken away from us and I can't turn back time”

And yes, maybe I'll buy my guilt off. That's because sometimes I still feel like a bad mother. My children grew up with problems, unrest and poverty and I will never make up for that again. Good years have been taken away from us and I can't turn back time. But now my daughter dares to invite friends and I see my son laughing again. And that is worth everything to me.” This article is in Kek Mama 02-2022.